you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
