but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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