I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
