Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
