i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize