What a fucking waste of an outfit
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
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I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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