some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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