I'm gonna have a badass scar
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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