is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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