I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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