I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
