i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
