Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
