he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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