there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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