Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
