Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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