So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
