You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize