so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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