Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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