the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
