What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
