i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
