His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
