Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
