Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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