your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
