Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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