Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
