Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
