so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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