that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
