Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The Olympian is in my bed
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