Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
