Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
