Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
