I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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