Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
