my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
