Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
