Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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