Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she smelled like a LAN party
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
