Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
