Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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