can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
