I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize