Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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