I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
