): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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