Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
