How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
