I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
