So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
