Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize