47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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