besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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