I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
