Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
