There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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