i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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