I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
