Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
