guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
