She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Boobs are out for the taking
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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