somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
