So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
