I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize