So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
