i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
